It is natural to feel concern for a friend or to want to help a teammate when you suspect that s/he has an eating disorder. It is important to remember that no matter what you do, you cannot cure your friend; s/he has to do it her/himself. If you can remember that the thoughts and behaviors are a carefully guarded secret that is often shrouded with shame, then you can understand the difficulty your friend might have discussing the subject with you. As a rule, try to take an unobtrusively supportive and concerned role in helping your friend identify the issue and begin to find ways to seek help. It can be initially more effective to focus on how the particular behavior may be affecting you friend's health, relationships, and/or intellectual growth.

In sharing your concern, you are creating a space between you and your friend, and giving her/him the option of filling that space with her/his worries about her/his "secret". Any rejection you might experience is not meant on a personal level; any denial of symptoms does not invalidate your concern. It is more reflective of the other person's struggle with coming to grips with her/his own pain than with your attempts to help. In addition, although she/he may be seeking treatment, it may take a long time before any observable changes are apparent. You may want to seek out counseling on ways to cope with your own feelings of rejection and invalidation, as well as the frustration of watching a friend not change her/his behavior quickly enough.

Even if the person is not willing to discuss her/his eating issues with you, there are many supportive things you can do. Respect her/his choices, continuing to express your interest, support, and feelings without being controlling or judgmental. It is always helpful to emphasize your friend's positive qualities and strengths that go beyond physical appearance. Many of us who grow up in a Western culture have quirky and often distorted views on food and weight; thus, examining your own aesthetic ideals can go a long way toward helping your friend. Monitor your own judgments of "good" and "bad" food, admiration of obsessive exercise, and judgments about fat and thin people. In addition, set a good example by eating in a relaxed and spontaneous way, and do not voice worries or concerns regarding how much you eat or weigh. Emphasize to your friend the benefits of eating in this more relaxed way. You may also suggest activities that do not involve food such as going to movies, plays, listening to live music, spending time outdoors, and many other activities.

All of this can be enhanced by encouraging your friend to seek professional help. Although some people are able to overcome their eating disorders of their own, it is often more helpful to be in a supportive and knowledgeable environment. Individual counseling and group therapy are just two methods of support.